Let me start by trying to describe my unholy, unhealthy obsession with custards. I love custards. I love them with a passion equal only to pork, and we have already discussed my love of the pig. Whenever I pick up a dessert menu, the first thing I look for is a custard. I have no idea what it is about them – there are certainly desserts that taste as good and in some ways better – but the combination of the taste and the texture just really work for me. Zabaglione, crème brulee, flan, you just can’t go wrong.

I could get into the history of it – custard has been around since the Middle Ages (which, by the way, happens to be the coolest period of time in history) and possibly longer – but the truth of it is, panna cotta isn’t really a custard. At least, not technically. It has more in common with Jell-O in terms of chemical structure, and there’s not a drop of egg involved. But, when made right, it has a texture and flavor to rival any crème anglaise.

I chose to balance mine – a vanilla panna cotta – with a dense, rich bittersweet flourless chocolate cake, baked in a sheet pan and cut into triangles with a child’s shapesorter block, because I’m MacGuyver in the kitchen, guys. To cut down the richness and add a hint of tart, I had Paris Hilton serve it.

….

Just kidding. I whipped together a sauce with the juice of two blood oranges. Recipes below!

Vanilla Panna Cotta

from Mark Bittman

You will need:
3 cups cream, or 1 1/2 cups cream and 1 1/2 cups half-and-half
1 package (1/4 ounce) unflavored gelatin
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup sugar

Pour 1 cup of the cream in a medium saucepan and sprinkle gelatin over, let sit for five minutes. After, cook over low heat, stirring, until gelatin dissolves completely. (I had to turn my heat up a little thanks to an electric range and altitude, and it took me a while to get it to dissolve completely.)

Add the rest of the cream and the sugar to your gelatin mixture and heat gently, just until the sugar dissolves. Add the vanilla and stir to combine. Pour mixture into 4 large or 6 small custard cups and chill until set, about 4 hours. If you want you can serve right in the cup, or you can unmold as I did. Use a knife and dip the container in hot water for a few seconds to help release.

Flourless Chocolate Cake

adapted from A Mingling of Tastes

You will need:

2/3 c plus 2 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp cocoa powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 stick (8 tablespoons) butter
9 oz quality semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, chopped
4 large eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract

I used Ghirardelli semi-sweet chocolate chips, and the flavor was just exactly where I wanted it to be. Bittersweet can have an edge to it that I, as a chocolate lover, really enjoy but my husband, who is a milk chocolate fan, doesn’t so much. This meets nicely in the middle.

Preheat the oven to 350 F and line an edged baking sheet with buttered parchment paper.  In a large bowl, combine the sugar, cocoa and salt. In a separate bowl or container, whisk the vanilla with the eggs and then add to the sugar mixture, stirring to combine.

In a medium saucepan, melt the butter over low heat. Add the chocolate and, stirring constantly, melt completely. Remove from heat and add to sugar mixture, whisking until combined – it should be thick and pretty smooth.

Pour batter into prepared pan and smooth into corners. You want it to be as even a thickness as you can. Bake for about 25 minutes – the top will be crusty, like a brownie, and the inside will be dense and thick. I let mine cool overnight before cutting and recommend the same to you. (the original, delicious sounding recipe at the source is a thicker, traditional cake baked in a 9” springform, if you aren’t interested in cutting out shapes.)

Blood Orange Sauce

Fruit sauces are  really easy to make. I happened to have blood oranges on hand – exactly two, in fact, so I made a blood orange sauce. It consists of bringing 2 Tbsp of sugar and the juice of two oranges to a boil and simmer until it reaches your desired thickness.

Since I post so many pork recipes I felt perhaps it was time to show what you can do with the leftovers. This may not be tricky for you, but it frequently is for me. No doubt you can do Asian stir-fry, or pot pie, but if your pork has a distinct flavor it can be difficult to find the right dish for it.

This was the situation at our house two days after I made the pork roulade. The day before that I had made a huge pot of chicken and shrimp etouffee, and a soup for lunch, so the fridge was full and I was loathe to throw something else in there. It almost worked, too, except that I had leftovers of this. It is inconvenient to cook for 4 when only two actually eat any reasonable portion.

Anyway, I needed something quick, easy and used pork, and a Google search led me to the always reliable Chowhound, and this post in particular. I grabbed an eggplant from the store and went with it, and now I share it with you.

Mediterranean Stew
adapted from aussiewonder

You will need:
1lb or so of leftover pork, cubed or shredded
1 eggplant, peeled and diced
1 red pepper, sliced into strips
6 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
28oz can crushed tomatoes
2 Tbsp tomato paste
1/4 cup red wine
Rice for serving

In a large skillet or Dutch oven, head 3 Tbsp oil over medium heat. Add the eggplant, red pepper and a pinch of kosher salt and cook, stirring frequently, until the eggplant has lightly browned and the red pepper has softened, about 5-10 minutes. Add the garlic and continue to cook until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add the tomato paste and the pork and stir to coat, cooking another minute or two, then add the wine and crushed tomatoes. Bring to a boil and then turn down the heat to simmer until the pork is heated through or until you want to eat it. Serve over rice and top with kalamata olives.

I, personally, am not much of an eggplant person, and I don’t eat olives at all, but the eggplant is not a huge flavor component here and so anyone with objections will probably find this tolerable. The flavor is simple and lovely, and perfect for a low-effort meal.

You may say to yourself, wait, hasn’t she made something like this before? And yes, I have – matambre is a roulade as well. Roulade (from the French word “rouler”) just means “to roll” and can apply to anything from a jelly roll to sushi. In this case, it’s a butterflied slab of pork loin slathered in a paste made of Italian parsley, a bulb of roasted garlic and lemon juice, seared and chucked in the oven. Couldn’t be easier. Let me show you.

You will need:

1-2lb pork loin
2 Tbsp olive oil
1/4 c white wine, chicken broth or water
A bulb of garlic, roasted
A small lemon, cut in half
A bunch of Italian (or flatleaf) parsley, chopped
Salt and pepper to taste
Kitchen twine

If you’ve never butterflied meat before, I strongly encourage you to look up a Youtube video. I will try to explain it here but I think it’s one of those things best viewed and I should know since my matambre butterflying was just a disaster. It was actually kind of catastrophic, but we all have to learn somewhere, right?

Go ahead and roast up your garlic, if you so desire. I served this with roasted potatoes so I just oiled up the bulb with the potatoes and roasted it for about 40 minutes at 425F. If you don’t want to roasted, I recommend slicing it very thin or mincing well. With either method, once you’ve prepared your garlic the way you choose you’re going to smash it together with a pinch of kosher salt, the juice of half a small lemon, and as much chopped parsley as you would like. I started with a fork but finished with a pestle, and that was with roasted so those of you using unroasted garlic may want to do the same – just add a teaspoon or so of olive oil to help bind it all together.

Grab your hunk of pork loin and lay it on a sturdy cutting surface, long side facing you. You’ll want a very sharp knife for this, so use the best one you’ve got. Make a vertical slice halfway through the thickness of the meat. Lift the edge of one side of the cut up enough to angle your knife and slice through horizontally to make an even plane of the meat, then repeat on the other side. Think of it like opening a cardboard box, first one flap, then the other. You should have a relatively even surface of meat now. If you see any obvious thicker sections, feel free to pound it out with your meat mallet.

Haha, beat your meat. Please excuse me, I’m obviously 10 years old. MOVING ON. Here’s a little photographic help to show you what it should look like:

Make small slits with a sharp paring knife here and there on the surface of the meat, then spread your garlic mixture on top. Try to cover the whole surface as evenly as you can, but don’t sweat it if you’ve got bare spots. Finish with a little black pepper, then turn the meat so that the short side is facing you.

If you can do the fancy butcher knots with a single strand of twine, bully for you. I am very bad at it and so I cut 4 equal lengths of twine and set them aside. You can start at either the top or the bottom, but roll the meat up, gently but firmly. Lift up and place your twine underneath at about 2” intervals, and tie tightly.

I would insert another picture here but – and I know, I KNOW, this is completely and remarkably immature of me but I can’t post it. It would get me censored. It’s so phallic it might as well be pornography. So, if your pork loin tied up looks like it could MAYBE be something else, something attached to the human body, you know you did it right.

I have no dignity. I apologize.  Let’s get back to the food, shall we?

Preheat the oven to 350F. Heat a large skillet or dutch oven over medium-high heat, add the olive oil and allow to get hot enough to shimmer but not smoke. Add the pork loin and sear on all sides, about 3-5 minutes per side or until browned. If your skillet is not oven-safe, put your pork in a roasting pan, add a quarter cup of chicken broth/wine/water, and cover tightly with aluminum foil. If you’re using a dutch oven, add a quarter cup of chicken broth/wine/water, cover the loin itself inside the vessel loosely with aluminum foil, then cover with the lid and into the oven it goes for about 25-30 minutes. Check it after 20 minutes – pork dries out quickly and this cut doesn’t have a lot of fat to keep it moist, so once that center hits about 145F on an instant-read thermometer you’ll want to take it out and let it rest for 10 minutes or so, the temperature will continue to rise and should peak at no more than 155F*.

From here, cut the twine, slice into your desired thickness and serve. If you used wine or broth, you’d have the makings of a nice pan sauce, too!  Roulades are great, there’s no end, really, to what you can add as the filling. Traditional German rouladen has pickles, Italy’s braciole is breaded and has cheese. Set your creativity free!

(* – the USDA says the appropriate internal temperature for well-done pork is 170. Pork frequently disagrees with this by turning into something like a mouthful of pig-flavored sand. You don’t want to eat it raw, but I think – and so does Mark Bittman – that a little pink is OK. 150 is the perfect happy medium for me.)

Wasn’t there a Smurf with a name like garganelli? Anyway. Hello, internet friends! I apologize for the long delay in posting. You’d think with the holidays and all I would have a multitude of food-related posts to make, and I did make a lot of food, but I just couldn’t get the words out. This is why no matter how much I’d like to be a successful author it’s just not meant to be – no discipline. What can you do, you know?

My first two issues of Saveur hit my mailbox this month and I am positively giddy about it. Don’t get me wrong, I love the artistry behind the recipes that come from Gourmet and Bon Appétit, but the authenticity of what Saveur has to offer strikes the deepest chord in me. Fancy food is terrific, and it’s created with the whole palette taste has to offer in mind, but recipes from home kitchens, from outdoor kitchens, from remote locations designed simply to eat well with what your homeland has to offer appeals so much. The culture of food at its most basic, at its most honest, fascinates me. From dusty camps in India to farmhouses in Pennsylvania, whatever you’re having is what I want to have, too.

I started simple this time around, picking a recipe from December 2009’s issue of Saveur, which happens to be loaded chock full of my favorite animal, the pig. Of couse, it’s also the least interesting of the many interesting recipes I could have chosen, with little of that anthropological spirit I mentioned in the paragraph above. However, getting my toddler to eat Terrine de Jambon seemed perhaps a little too ambitious.

Garganelli with Prosciutto and Peas
from Saveur

You will need:
1lb garganelli or penne
2 cups heavy cream (and arteries of steel)
1 1/2 cup fresh or frozen peas
1/2 cup grated Parmesan
4 oz thinly sliced prosciutto, Serrano or country ham, torn into strips
1 cup fresh mint leaves, torn
Kosher salt and black pepper to taste

Garganelli is a pasta that’s shaped like a calla lily, and I have to tell you, I am not a huge fan of it. I find where the sides overlap never really gets done enough for my tastes, though it is really pretty. I first tried it in an Amatriciana sauce with the now-infamous guanciale (that, I have to tell you, I am tempted to try again!) and had the same reaction then as I did now. I think if I make it again I’ll go the penne route since penne is delicious and cooks evenly. Mine, by the way, is spinach garganelli because that’s what was available at the time. It has no bearing at all on the taste.

OK, on to the bones of it. Bring a large pot of salted water to boil. Remember, if it tastes like an ocean you’re on the right track! Unsalted pasta water makes everyone sad. Unless you have arterial issues and then unsalted pasta water makes everyone happy! I believe in fairness, after all.  Add the pasta and cook to your desired level of doneness – if you’re using the garganelli, you’ll want to take a piece out and bite through the center to check the overlap. Drain and reserve 1/4 cup of the pasta water, with all its starchy deliciousness. 

While all that’s happening, bring  the cream to a boil over high heat in a large skillet, 12” is the recommended. Let it reduce by half, which’ll take about 8 minutes or so. Add the pasta and the peas and cook, stirring every now and then, until the cream starts to coat the pasta. Add the parmesan and season to taste. If it looks too thick, add the pasta water in small amounts until you reach your desired consistency. Gently stir in your prosciutto and chopped mint, and enjoy.

Something about that picture puts me in mind of a fish. No idea why. Anyway, so in yet another magazine post (hey, at least it’s a different one), Food Network magazine puts out 6 issues per year, instead of the usual one per month. This recent addition is action-packed with recipes, including one for hot buttered rum. I’ll give you one guess as to who created that one!

Buried amidst the plethora of turkey and stuffing and other traditional Thanksgiving feasts was a section entitled “A Cuban Feast” and it had me at this title: Slow-Roasted Pork with Citrus and Garlic. You might have picked up on it by now, but I love pork. I think I  subconsciously look for the pork recipes before I even consider other meats. This particular recipe calls for a 6-8lb Boston butt, which is a shoulder cut (also used to make the incredibly and surprisingly delicious cabbage soup from Veselka) and not only does the grocery store I use to buy my meats not carry any that size, it’s just too much for my small family. The side dishes listed weren’t great for us, not big squash eaters here and bananas flambé, well, let’s just say I think it’s better if I don’t intentionally light things on fire in my kitchen since I do it so well accidentally already. I served this up with some honey-balsamic glazed carrots and some pan-fried corn with red pepper and parsley.

I can’t lie to you, this was an insane amount of prep for a roast that was not particularly spectacular, which actually did not surprise me too much as Saveur’s Caribbean pork roast was also heavy on prep but disappointing on flavor. I don’t want to discourage you from making it though, because taste is such a subjective thing, but be prepared. I’ve cut the recipe in half here and it should serve 4 comfortably.

Slow-Roasted Pork with Citrus and Garlic
(adapted from Food Network Magazine)

5 cloves garlic
1 tablespoon fresh oregano
1 teaspoon fresh thyme
1 tablespoon coriander seeds
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
2 bay leaves
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
1 3-to-4-pound Boston butt pork shoulder
Juice of 3 oranges, peels reserved
Juice of 2 lemons, peels reserved
Juice of 2 limes
2 Tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
6 Tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 white onion, thinly sliced

OK, here’s where the work starts. The magazine said prep would be 40 minutes. My experience was closer to 90 minutes, and it might be because I don’t have a juicer so I squeezed my citrus by hand, and since I had cuts on both hands I opted to leave the peel on and just cut it off after. If this is something you plan on doing as well, I did score four lines down each fruit before cutting in half, to make peeling easier.

In your food processor (or blender, or mortar and pestle) blend the first five ingredients into a paste. It may not look like one, but it should feel like one. Don’t expect the spices to get too finely ground, this is more like a slightly damp rub than anything. Trim any excessive fat from your pork and cut deep slits about every 2 inches all over. I tend to just stab mine with a paring knife, I’m not sure precision is especially important here. Rub your spice mixture all over the pork, into the slits, and set aside for now.

In a large glass or plastic (no metal! acids + metal = reaction!) bowl, whisk together the juice of the oranges, lemons and limes, the Worcestershire sauce and the olive oil. Submerge the pork as best you can in the marinade, then top with the onions and finally, the orange and lemon peels. Cover with plastic wrap (not foil! acid + metal = reaction!)  and marinate in the fridge for at least 8 hours and up to 2 days. (I let mine marinate for 12 hours.)

Preheat the oven to 450F. Remove the peels and chuck ‘em into the fridge for later. Place your pork onto a rack and into a roasting pan and roast, uncovered, for an hour. Keep the marinade and onions, you’ll need them later. After an hour, take your pork out and turn the oven down to 350. Pour the marinade over the roast and top with the onions, cover with foil and roast for another hour. Take the pork out, add the peels on and around the pork,  and roast for another 1-2 hours, basting with the juices occasionally. The recipe says to cook until it reaches 190, but at it’s peak mine only got to about 184. It doesn’t matter, pork is safe at 160 (Mark Bittman says 150) and is lovely, juicy and flavorful at that temperature anyway. Let it rest for 10 minutes, slice and serve.

Can I just tell you, the idea of leftovers, chopped, on toast with gravy? It’s really working for me right now. I’ll have to try it.

Anyway, I’m going to be up front and tell you that the proportions for these side dishes are going to be estimates. I didn’t work from a recipe (!) and it’s so fun to just throw some of this, toss some of that, that I failed to write down what I used. So play with it a little, both recipes here are extremely forgiving.

Honey-and Balsamic-Glazed Carrots

4-6 medium carrots, peeled and julienned
1 Tbsp. butter
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup honey
3 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar
Salt and pepper to taste

To julienne your carrots: slice in half lengthwise, then into thirds across. Take each piece and slice into 3 or 4 pieces lengthwise. If pieces look large, turn them on their sides and slice again lengthwise. Though really, there’s no reason you couldn’t do baby carrots or coins instead of strips, you would just need to adjust the steaming time.

Speaking of steaming time, add the water and the pat of butter to the skillet, give it a few minutes to warm up, then add the carrots. Cover and allow to steam for 10-20 minutes, crisp-tender is the goal but your preference is key. If you like softer carrots, let cook to the long end of the time frame. Once the water is almost evaporated, add the honey, stirring to coat, and then the balsamic, and allow to reduce to a glaze. Towards the end, add your salt and pepper to taste.

Pan-fried Corn with Red Pepper and Parsley

3 ears of corn
1 Tbsp butter/margarine
Pinch of red pepper flakes or cayenne
1/2 tsp dried parsley, or 1 Tbsp fresh Italian parsley
Salt and pepper to taste

Really, any kind of corn will do here. You could use drained canned or thawed frozen, but as a former contestant of the Little Miss Sweet Corn pageant of Gibson County, Indiana, I favor fresh yellow sweet corn.

To prepare fresh corn for the pan fry, shuck the ears (if you peel from the bottom, the silk is easier to deal with), trim the bottoms and steam for 10-20 minutes, or until crisp-tender. Corn should not be mushy, it needs a bit of bite to it, imo, but again, it’s all about preference. Once it has reached desired doneness, run under cold water to cool and slice kernels off the cob. Don’t worry if it stays in chunks, it’s nicer that way anyway. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat, add butter and allow to melt.  Add corn, red pepper, dried parsley and your salt and pepper, and cook just until corn starts to brown. If using fresh parsley, chop and add to corn once corn is finished cooking.

I would love to know what you thought of that pork roast, so tell me if you try it out!

In yet another stunning narrative of my life thus far, not a week after I finally got around to getting a subscription to that bastion of American food magazines, Gourmet, did I get an email notifying me of its imminent demise. By demise I mean that they’re no longer printing it, in case you did not know. I cried every day until my two and only issues arrived, and then I went shopping. You might think this would be a segue into a recipe from Gourmet, but as it has substituted the remaining issues in my subscription over to Bon Appétit (which I subscribed to anyway the same time as Gourmet), I felt it was appropriate to start with Bon Appétit as well.

Fish is not a frequent visitor to this household, as I am not a seafood fan. I’m sorry, but I prefer my food to not have an exoskeleton, which removes me from many things I’m told are delicious. My husband loves escargot and no matter how much garlic and butter are involved I just cannot get beyond the fact that it’s a snail. This is why I can never, no matter how much I may want to, be on Survivor.

I do, however, make exceptions to that rule, and salmon is one of them. There may be a world of difference between a gently steamed or seared salmon fillet and salmon patties from the canned article, but they both taste good to me. So as I was flipping through my four new recipe-laden magazines, I spotted this one in October’s issue of Bon Appétit and decided to go for it.

Lime-and Honey-Glazed Salmon with Basmati and Broccolini
from Bon Appétit, October 2009
serves 4, 35 minutes prep, 55 total

You will need:

1/4 cup fresh lime juice
2 Tbsp. finely grated lime peel
2 Tbsp. honey
2 Tbsp. chopped fresh cilantro, plus more for garnish
4 tsp. soy sauce
1 Tbsp. olive oil
3/4 cup sliced shallots (about 3 large)
1 1/2 cups basmati rice*
3 1/4 cups low sodium chicken broth**
4 5 to 6 oz skinless salmon fillets***
1 bunch broccolini****, bottom inch trimmed and stalks separated if necessary

Crank your oven up to 450F, and whisk together your first 5 ingredients in a small bowl. 1/4 cup of lime juice was about two and a half smallish limes, and the zest, conveniently, was 3 limes exactly. For the fine grate, I just used my Microplane and called it good enough. Once you’ve got everything combined, set aside for now.

In a large, oven-safe skillet or Dutch oven, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat. Throw in your shallots and sauté until just beginning to soften and brown. My pan was too hot and it took about 2 minutes for me total, but the recipe says about 5 minutes. Shallots are a bit more delicate than onions so you’ll want to stir frequently to prevent burning. Add the rice and the chicken broth and bring to a boil. Cover skillet tightly with the lid, and into the oven it goes for about 10 minutes. The rice should be done by then, but if it’s not and it’s too dry, add more chicken broth in 1/4 cup increments.

(as a note, I use a Tramontina green behemoth from Wal-mart, and the lid does not fit as tightly as I would like, so I covered the pot with a sheet of aluminum foil before putting the lid on for a tighter seal. )

Remove from the oven and add salt to the rice, to taste. Sprinkle salmon fillets with salt and pepper and arrange on rice, pressing lightly. Add the broccolini, tucking around the fish and anchoring the stems in the rice. Add 1 Tbsp. of glaze to each fillet, cover tightly again and return to oven for another 8-10 minutes, or until the salmon is just opaque in the center and the broccolini is crisp-tender. Drizzle remaining glaze over the fish and rice, top with additional cilantro and serve.

Notes:

As I was expecting something altogether more highfalutin, it came as a surprise to me to learn that this was a one-skillet meal. I love one-skillet meals because I generally destroy my kitchen if I make anything more complicated than spaghetti. Also, this is extremely easy, so don’t be intimidated by the source.  If cost is a concern (and these days, who isn’t concerned?) you could easily go with smaller portions. Since my toddler’s idea of fine dining is Easy Mac, I opted to get 2 6oz fillets instead, and since I had everything but the broccolini and the fish on hand, this recipe cost us about $12 for two people.

* – Tilda produces some really lovely basmati. It is not the cheapest option but it’s not unreasonable. Look for the shiny metallic blue bag.

** – If you have a WinCo grocery store in your area, quarts of Pacific free-range organic chicken broth are a whopping $1.89! That is insanely cheap compared to other stores in the area.

*** – The skinless salmon fillets I purchased were $4.99 each, regardless of weight. If you are more adept than I in the kitchen, I see zero reason why you couldn’t get skin-on and just remove the skin, if that price is less prohibitive.

**** – For SLCers, Harmon’s carries broccolini. If your local stores don’t carry it, the flavors are of a mild, asparagus-broccoli bent, so I am certain that broccoli or asparagus would work just fine here.

(one more brief note, I am providing links with the intent of being helpful, there’s no profit in it for me. but seriously, get a microplane, they’re amazing.)

In other news, my oldest son, Grey, turned 3 on the 15th. They grow so fast, no matter how many times people tell you that while you’re pregnant you never really believe it until it starts happening right in front of your face. It seems like just yesterday he was a tiny little baby, and yet I look at him now and he’s practically a teenager.  He started preschool on Monday, too, so it’s been a lot of fun around here with all the preparations.

I read a recipe this morning for a grape and pear pie, so once this place has been cleared of cake and cupcakes, I think I’ll make that and let you know how it goes.

The thing with copycat recipes is you are never sure how close they’re going to get to the real thing. For instance, Food Network magazine had a copycat recipe for the OG’s salad dressing, which we all know is basically the best part of going there. I was all set to enjoy a delicious salad, my tastebuds were dancing with anticipation, then I took a bite and drowned in a deluge of disappointment. (raise your hand if you were embarrassed for me upon reading that!) It was good, don’t get me wrong, but when you are expecting a particular flavor and embark upon finding that flavor, when it doesn’t arrive it just feels a little cruel, that’s all.

I think with some tweaking this could be very close, but as it is, it’s delicious. I don’t think anyone would be too disappointed with the results and it’s moderately low-effort to achieve.

Lemon Cream Cake

For the cake itself, you have two options. One, buy yourself a box of white cake mix. I am not a snob about these things. If I want something to be foolproof and tasty, I go with the box because I cannot be trusted to bake well from scratch. Besides, Duncan Hines yellow butter cake with no frosting makes a delicious breakfast. Don’t judge me.

The second is to bake from scratch. I have struggled with this repeatedly, and the recipe I’m going to share with you is the closest I’ve come to how a cake should be. I overbaked it so it was dry, but that’s because I’m an amazing baker, not because the recipe is crap.

Vanilla Cake
adapted from Betty Crocker.
(this will make 3 9" rounds or 2 9" rounds and 12 cupcakes)
2 2/3 c. all-purpose flour
3 tsp. baking powder (2 for 3500+ ft)
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 c. butter or margarine, softened
1 1/4 c. sugar
2/3 c. milk
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
4 large eggs

Preheat oven to 350F. Grease (with shortening or butter, this is not an ideal application for pork fat) and flour your cake pans and/or line muffin pan with cupcake liners. In a separate bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, salt and baking soda. Whisks are great for this.

In another bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer, cream your butter and sugar together until fluffy. Turn speed down to medium and add in flour, milk, eggs and vanilla. Adding flour works best in sections because when it collides with the force of the beaters, it explodes into an hour of cleanup. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Keep beating for 2 more minutes and then section evenly into your pans.

Recipe says to bake 25-30 minutes. It may be high altitude but at 25 minutes, mine were overdone. I would start checking after 20 minutes. If a toothpick comes out clean, it’s done.Let sit for 10 minutes, then turn out of pan and let cool on a rack.

Lemon Cream
(adapted from Meemo’s Kitchen)
8 oz. cream cheese, softened
2 c. confectioner’s sugar
4 tsp. lemon juice
Zest of 1 lemon
1 c. heavy whipping cream

As stated, this requires two bowls. I am a chronic recipe follower so I did as mentioned and whipped the cream in a stand mixer and the cream cheese with a hand mixer, but I think in the future I’d whip the cream first and store it in another bowl, then use the stand mixer again to beat the cream cheese. Anyway.

Combine the cream cheese and the confectioner’s sugar with a mixer until smooth, then mix in the lemon juice and zest.

In another bowl, whip the heavy cream until stiff peaks form. Fold whipped cream gently into cream cheese mixture.

It’s – dare I say – a piece of cake from here on out. For the cake, be very generous with the frosting on your middle layer(s), throw on the top layer and frost until covered. For the cupcakes, apply however you’d like. I have a giant star-shaped piping tip I use with a ziploc to do mine.

Cool in the fridge for 3 hours before serving, and keep in the fridge after that as well. This is a cake best served cold. Enjoy!